


Even If It's Poison (For You I'll Gladly Take It)

by Quackyeon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Assassins, Character Death, College AU, Daggers, Doctor AU, Domestic, M/M, Mafia AU, Multi, hinted sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4302660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan had to learn from a young age to balance family life and personal life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even If It's Poison (For You I'll Gladly Take It)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to start off with a huge thank you to everyone on Team Violet for putting up with me. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone on my Tlist who had to deal with me panicking and all held my hand as I tried to finish this fic. A huge thank you to Pancake who read this even though you had probably had enough of me asking you to read it over and over again and a massive thank you to Squid who read scenes I was scared with and helped me characterise Minseok in parts because I was stuck, even though you had much better things to do than put up with me. And of course a thank you to R, who sat with me at 3am in mcdonalds listening to me try to work out my plot the week of our midterms even though you don't care about fan fiction. 
> 
> A huge shout out to anyone who knows what song the title is from ;)

Luhan was five when he found himself being given away to a strange man. He didn't know it at the time but the man he called daddy was a drunkard and a gambler. Losing his son hadn't made the man change however, but Luhan would never find that out. He was young and had a cute face. His cheeks seemed to be permanently rosy and a smile always etched on his face. Luhan was often seen laughing in his room, or running to his guardian, who had allowed him to call him dad. Luhan was a quiet child who quite often would just sit in the room that his 'dad' was working in and play quietly with his toys. Luhan was a very obedient child and he was very well loved, he would do what he was told when he was told. Luhan was clingy in some ways he liked to be held, and his 'dad' would hold him closely and tuck him in at night. Luhan was a good boy and went to sleep when he was told but he wanted more time with his daddy. 

Luhan liked helping out, he was a very kind hearted boy and when he went to school - they had found a very nice school for him to go to - he made a lot of friends. He was five but he never once tried to fight over a toy with another child. He knew he was from Beijing but he was living in Shanghai but he didn't really know why. He had memories of his real dad but his 'dad' was the one he looked up to. He would sit while the other kids played and draw, he liked to take things home for his 'dad', to impress him. 

When Luhan was six everything changed - everyone turned against him and laughed at him for being adopted. Then he found himself pushed up against a wall by boys a lot bigger than him and he was beaten up. He didn't cry at the school, he just picked himself up and walked back into the class, his face bruised and swollen but he refused to say anything about what had happened at break. He just went back to learning how to write his own name. Luhan would practice his name very carefully wanting to go home and show his 'dad' how much he'd learnt. Luhan smiled when he was picked up by an 'uncle' (who he'd later find out was just a colleague of his 'dad') and avoided talking about the bruising on his face. He ran into his dad's study and put the paper on his desk. Luhan then ran off and went to him room and cried. He'd been holding it in all day and he let it all out. 

It only took his dad two hours to come up and give Luhan a tight hug. "Luhan. Who beat you?" he asked and Luhan shook his head. "I want to know, I'm your daddy, why won't you tell me?" Luhan just shook his head, he didn't want to get the other boys in trouble. He wanted to make it go away, to pretend it didn't happen. "well, Luhan, we're going to make sure that this never happens again ok? I have a friend and he's going to be your teacher for an hour every day and you're going to learn how to fight and defend yourself." He moved to make sure Luhan was looking at him right in the eye. "And you are to _never_ let anyone beat you in a fight. Do you hear me Luhan?" 

Luhan nodded and his dad handed him some clothes to get changed into before taking him down to a small room where a man was waiting. Luhan looked at the man and his dad left him in the room. The man first taught the boy how to punch and kick with force, before going on to start doing basic martial arts with him. Luhan studied and worked hard to get good at it, he didn't know why but he wanted to impress his dad and with his fighting improving his dad seemed even more proud of him. Luhan only got into one other fight that year at school and he won. 

He was sent to the principal's office and his dad came down, taking the boy's hand and apologizing to the principal, however after they left Luhan's hand in his guardians. The man took him to a shop and bought him a lollipop. "You're learning well Luhan." he said with a smile. "No one pushes our family around." Luhan nodded sucking his lollipop and walking with his dad. He had a lesson that night, and they started working on harder things. Luhan didn't really know what to think about it all, he'd finally defended himself but they were just working even harder. He didn't question it though and worked hard to keep impressing his dad. 

He didn't even know why he was doing this, but he knew that one day his dad would explain everything to him. He also knew that to go against his dad wasn't a good thing and he always wanted to keep his dad proud. Luhan was a fast learner, and he was small which made it easier to learn moves which required a lot of agility. Luhan had never been so naturally good at something and the way his father was rewarding him was really making him want to learn more, he wanted to show his dad that he would always make him proud. 

Luhan was still quiet at school and he only really had one friend now, another little boy, Zi Tao. Luhan would come home and excitedly tell his dad about the other, before one day asking if he could take another martial arts class with Tao. His dad, of course, obliged. Luhan's father had assumed that the boy wanted to do the extra class to further his martial arts education, but really it was more to do with spending time with the boy.He had made a friend and honestly Luhan did everything he could to have fun with his friend, and martial arts was something they could both do together. 

It took Luhan two weeks of begging his dad, for his dad to let him go to Zi Tao's house for dinner. Luhan went over to the small house and ate with the others family and went up to play in Zi Tao's room. It was so different to his home life and it was then that he realised that his home wasn't like everyone else's and that he could never invite Zi Tao round. He wasn't going to be able to show him the room he spent most of his free time in and that there was something different about his dad's work. 

Luhan came home and went into his dad's office - which he was allowed to go in. He smiled when his dad picked him up and let him sit on his lap, stroking the other's hair as Luhan told him all about his day and how Zi Tao's mom made them stir fried rice and then Luhan suddenly looked at his dad. "Daddy, what is your job?" he said, before qualifying the question by saying that Zi Tao's dad was a professor and his mom was a shop-keeper. 

"I'm a business man Luhan, and one day you'll be part of daddy's business ok?" he said with a smile and Luhan nodded. "I love you Luhan ." 

"I love you daddy." Luhan smiled giving his dad a kiss. Luhan paused a little, and then snuggled into his dad. "Is that why you adopted me?" he said. 

Luhan's dad shook his head, "No, Luhan, I adopted you because I wanted to have a son I could love. And you're the best son I could ever have." He gave Luhan a kiss on the cheek. Luhan's dad looked at Luhan and smiled, "Are you worried about the fact that you're adopted?" he said quietly. 

Luhan shook his head. "I know you love me daddy, and no one says anything about it anymore." he said, meaning after the fight he'd won. "I love you daddy," he said before wriggling a little to give his dad a hug before he closed his eyes tightly.

"I love you to the moon and back Luhan." his dad said quietly, before letting Luhan get down and run into his martial arts practice. Luhan was always excitable and honestly the feeling he got when he did well was irreplaceable. He also like the fact that he was able to defend himself from bullies and his instructor was slowly becoming just as much a dad to him as his adoptive father. 

Luhan was pretty much obsessed with all things martial arts and wanted to learn all there was to learn about them. His dad encouraged this and despite the fact that he wanted the young boy to have more aggression his pride had no bounds when it came to watching Luhan do martial arts. 

Zi Tao was soon doing wushu competitively - well within the age bracket of under 10's - and no matter how much Luhan asked his daddy always said no. Luhan was jealous but he knew that when his dad said no, it meant no. Luhan didn't mind he probably wouldn't win, but it would have been fun to go with Zi Tao. He was always so interested when the other told him about his time at the competitions, but Luhan understood that his dad was only doing what was best for him. 

When he was eight he was asked what he wanted to do with his life, and his answer was to be just like his daddy. Most eight year old boy's wanted to be cowboys, martial arts actors, astronauts, The Premier, but not Luhan he just wanted to be a businessman like his daddy. He didn't mind any more that he was different to everyone, he liked it. He had his best friend and no one ever really picked on him any more so it wasn't that bad. He didn't really understand why people would laugh that he was adopted and didn't have an adoptive mother, he didn't need one. His dad did everything for him. Luhan didn't need a mom and he wasn't sure he wanted to share his dad with anyone. 

Luhan was getting stronger, his martial arts learning was going faster and he was taking more classes at home and with Zi Tao for fun. Luhan was also allowed to go round to Zi Tao's house more often (and with him having to beg his dad a lot less). Luhan was glad he had Zi Tao to support him, when it came to the amount of people who were whispering behind his back about him being adopted and how his real parents didn't love him. Maybe it upset him so much because even he thought it was true. He could never tell his adoptive father because all he'd get was, _it's ok Luhan, I love you. Your real parents loved you too. They loved you enough to give you a better life with me._ It was great to hear that, but it never stopped Luhan feeling rejected by his parents. He never asked about them, he never wanted to meet them. He didn't want to be rejected in person, he just wasn't comfortable.

Zi Tao would always defend him and when it came down to it they had each other's backs. Which was all that really mattered, Zi Tao was the only person he knew would have his back at school. He knew his dad would tell him to hit the other kids but he didn't want to get into fights if he could help it. 

When he was eleven people started using the word 'gay' and understanding that it meant boys who liked other boys and girls who liked other girls. It appeared to be general consensus that Luhan was gay on account for his quiet nature and hanging out with girls and Zi Tao. Luhan brushed it off lightly, laughing about it. He hadn't even had a crush on someone so he couldn't possibly be gay. He did, however, punch a kid who said Zi Tao was gay, and that it was _wrong_. Nothing about Zi Tao was wrong. 

Luhan was thirteen when he had his first kiss, he and Zi Tao had moved to the same high school and now had a large group of friends miles away from their lonely lives of primary school. Luhan and Zi Tao weren't popular but they had more than enough friends. His dad was letting him hang out with his friends for about an hour or two before coming home and doing his homework and then 3 to 4 hours of martial arts, and weapons training. Luhan didn't mind, he liked the weapons training too, he had a few daggers and knives he was exceptionally talented at using. 

His first kiss happened at Tao's house, there was a group of them playing seven minutes in heaven and Luhan span, it landed on a girl named MeiMei, and they both had to go into a closet and kiss, or whatever. Luhan and MeiMei just looked at each other for a bit before Luhan made the move and kissed her. She kissed back and wrapped her arms around his neck while he held her sides. He knew she liked him so she was really into the kiss, but for some reason it just wasn't working for him. He knew he was supposed to really enjoy it, but he didn't. He didn't mind kissing her, but it wasn't something he was going to do again. He pulled back and then he didn't know what to say, she liked him and he knew it, but she just wasn't right. He wanted it to feel good, to feel right when he kissed someone. 

When it was just him and Zi Tao while he was waiting for his dad to come get him, he told the other what it was like kissing MeiMei. Zi Tao hadn't been spun the whole game and was jealous that Luhan had had his first kiss. "She kept trying to pull me closer it was like she was trying to eat me or something." he said with a shrug. "It was pretty gross really." he said with a shrug, "You know that Jiao Lei likes you. You could kiss her." Luhan said with a small shrug. 

"Yeah but what if it's like you kissing MeiMei." Zi Tao sighed. "I dont want to let her down by not liking kissing her." He looked at his hands.

"Well is there anyone you want to kiss?" Luhan said with a small shrug. 

"No, not really, I just want to kiss someone. Anyone." he complained. Luhan laughed a little, "You can laugh because MeiMei is going to tell everyone that you kissed and that you're not gay and everyone is still going to laugh at me and call me gay." 

"You know there's nothing wrong with being gay." Luhan said with a shrug, "I don't care that they call me that. It's just made up anyway, you like studying, you're gay isn't exactly true." 

It was when Luhan was fifteen that he began to notice that he wasn't like the other boys in his class, all desperate to have girlfriends, he didn't. It was when Tao got himself a girlfriend that Luhan began to feel uneasy. He lay back in his bed one night and tried thinking about what his ideal girl was, he knew what touching himself was and he'd never done it before - he'd pretended he had to fit in but he'd never thought of someone or an ideal that got him hard. 

Luhan was there in his boxers thinking about girls, he assumed big breasts were the thing he should want but it wasn't working. He couldn't think about anything that would cause his body to have any reaction. He gave up, moving to lie on his front and try to pretend that never happened. He couldn't even ask his friends what should turn him on because then they would know. He didn't even think he could tell Tao something that was going on for once. He sighed, he couldn't ask his dad, firstly that was weird and secondly he didn't want to tell his dad that unlike every other teenage boy he couldn't get a hard-on. 

It was a few months later where Luhan had a recurrence of wet dreams. He was glad on one hand because it meant he wasn't broken but on the other hand his dream was about being with men, who occasionally included Zi Tao. Luhan began trying to work out what it meant, trying thinking about kissing men, making out with them, being held by a man and unlike when he'd tried fantasizing about women it worked. He got quieter at home when he reached the conclusion that he was gay. He didn't want to tell his dad and he didn't know how to tell his fighting instructor either who was the other parent in his life. 

It was Zi Tao who pulled Luhan to the side one day in school, it was a day after Luhan had had an erotic dream about Zi Tao and he was feeling awkward. He didn't want to be thinking about his best friend like that. "Luhan, what's going on? You're acting weird." he said with a small sigh. "Is it something I've done? Do you like my girlfriend?" 

Luhan shook his head, "No Tao, I'm going to get to Japanese class." Luhan said pushing past and walking to his class, Zi Tao turned and followed Luhan and then kept calling Luhan. "Leave me alone Tao." he turned to look at the other and Zi Tao looked hurt. "Just don't talk to me." 

"Why?" 

"Because I'm gay! That's why." Luhan shouted, before turning and running. He hadn't expected to come out to his best friend, the only person he trusted. Luhan ran, he was going to cry, so there was no way he was going to go to class - and he didn't want the other to find him. He couldn't go home crying, so he went out onto the roof and shut the door behind him, sitting on the ground and got his text books out, choosing to study, he wanted to learn he really did. He looked at his phone and saw no messages, he was glad. He didn't want to hear anything Zi Tao had to say. He wished he'd very calmly told the other he was gay. But he knew the next question was going to be was _and do you like me?_ and his dirty dreams were worrying him. He liked Zi Tao's personality. He liked Zi Tao's body, and face and his smile and the way he looked when he did wushu. 

Luhan left school at the end of the day after spending all day on the roof, he sighed when he heard Zi Tao calling him. He sped up, he just wanted to be away from the boy, away from everything. "Luhan" Zi Tao grabbed Luhan by the arm. "Why did you run off?" Luhan just looked at him. "You're supposed to come over to mine tonight, come on." Zi Tao pretty much dragged Luhan and took him up to his room and made him sit down. Luhan just looked at the boy. "So, you're gay?" 

"Yeah." Luhan said looking down at his hands. "I didn't mean to shout it at you." he felt Zi Tao sit down next to him. "You're the only person I've told." he breathed out, he felt like his head was going to explode. 

"It probably would have gone better if you hadn't shouted it at me." he said with a small smile and sighed. "I understand, you know, that you've been distant because you feel different, but you're the same Luhan no matter who it is you want to make out with." Zi Tao nudged the other, "So have you kissed a guy?" 

"No, I just told you, no one but you knows." Luhan sighed. "Not even my dad knows." 

"Are you going to tell him?" Zi Tao asked quietly. 

"I have to don't I? He's my dad, he's probably wondering why I've never had a girlfriend." Luhan shrugged, "but I'm scared he's going to be mad that I'm not like most boys. I want to tell him so much." 

"You know if he is mad, I can get my parents to pick you up so you don't have to stay there." Zi Tao said with a small smile. "But your dad loves you so you're gonna be fine, and once you're out you can find yourself a boyfriend." Zi Tao hummed a little, "One of the boys in the year above us is gay too." 

"Tao, just because we're both gay doesn't mean I want to be with him." Luhan sighed. "He's not my type."

When Luhan went home he knocked on his dad's office, he was dressed to go to practice but he wanted to speak to his dad first. His dad answered the door and smiled, "Come on in Luhan." 

Luhan walked in and sat down in his dad's office, he was getting nervous and he was so ready to back out when he just started talking. "Dad, I have to tell you something." His dad just nodded and watched the boy. "I'm gay, and I know you're probably really disappointed and wish you'd never adopted me, but I can't help who I am and I can't stop myself being gay." Luhan moved awkwardly, "I haven't got a boyfriend so no one made me gay or anything like that, and I'm sorry but I can't help it." 

"Done?" His dad said. "Luhan, I knew you were gay a few years ago. I just knew, call it just a feeling dad's get." The man moved to give Luhan a hug and held him in his arms, rubbing his back. "I just want you to be happy, and if that's with a man then great and honestly you could love plants and I'd accept you for exactly who you are. You're my son. I love you no matter what. Don't be afraid to tell me things, especially things that make you who you are." Luhan moved to rest against his dad. "You know your uncles and everyone in the family will accept it too, you don't have to tell them if you don't want to but you can if you want." His dad rubbed Luhan's back. 

"Thanks daddy." Luhan said quietly. "I love you." 

"I've loved you since the moment I first met you Luhan, I love you too." He rubbed the other's back, "I love you Luhan, and want you to be happy ok?" he looked at the boy, "If anyone says anything about you liking men, I'll personally deal with them ok?" Luhan just nodded, he knew his dad wasn't lying. He'd seen his dad in fights and he had heard whispers in school that his dad was in a gang. He never asked, he assumed his dad would tell him when it was time. He knew he had a lot of uncles who weren't related to his dad, but really what would a mafia boss want with adopting a boy. 

"Ok daddy." he said quietly. 

"And if you find a boy, don't be scared to introduce me to him, I'll like him as long as he makes you happy and treats you right ok?" His dad said with a small smile. 

"I wanna come out to uncle," Luhan said quietly, he only ever called his martial arts teacher uncle, he used everyone else's names. His dad nodded, he understood that the other man was as much a father to Luhan as he was, he'd bandaged Luhan's leg when he fell, he'd protected him once when his dad was fighting, when he was a child and his dad had to go out at night it was his uncle who looked after him. "I'm afraid," 

"Why Luhan? He's going to accept you. He loves you ok? Don't be scared of telling him who you really are." he smiled a little, "He's our family. And he loves you for who you are." Luhan just nodded, he knew that was true. He knew that he was loved by his uncle, but he also knew that him telling him that he was gay could change everything and could leave him with nothing. He didn't want his family to hate him. He didn't want to let someone down. He didn't want to be the reason why his adoptive family hated him. 

Luhan went and got changed and walked down into the studio. He looked at his 'uncle'. "Uncle, I have to tell you something, and you might hate me once I do."

"Go on Luhan" he said quietly, putting down the two daggers he was holding assuming that this was going to be something important - and something that he shouldn't be holding weapons for. 

"I'm gay." Luhan said quietly. "I don't have a reason, I just like guys and I can't stop it and I didn't choose it." Luhan stopped when he noticed his uncle was laughing.

"You thought I didn't know?" he smiled at Luhan, "Oh that's cute." Luhan just looked at his uncle. "Firstly, you're obsessed with that actor, like you have pictures of him all over your walls and secondly, I picked you up from Tao's, does he know how you feel?" Luhan just looked at his uncle. "Oh, so I'm gonna take that as a no." 

"How did you know?" 

"The way you look at him," his uncle said quietly, "and I know you've liked him for a long time, but it's totally fine you know." His uncle moved a little to pick the daggers back up. "I thought you were telling me because you'd told him or something." 

"He's got a girlfriend." Luhan said quietly taking the daggers, taking his starting position before running through the moves, "and I came out to him too." he said as he hit the dummy. 

"Good hit Lu." his uncle said and smiled. "You don't know he might like you back." His uncle said with a small smile. "Lift your left elbow up more when you go into that hit." he said 

"He doesn't know I like him" Luhan said with a sigh, "And I'm not planning on telling him." Luhan kept going with the movements before sighing when he got the move right. "I could barely tell him I am gay, so I can't tell him I want to date him, it's going to make our friendship weird." 

"I always thought he was gay." Luhan's uncle mumbled. 

"When we were younger he used to get so upset when people called him gay." Luhan said quietly. 

Luhan's sixteenth birthday was held at Zi Tao's. No one thought it was weird that they never got to see his dad or his house. With all the mafia rumours they probably didn't want to. Luhan smiled opening his presents, he had been keeping his feelings away from Zi Tao. He knew it was going to ruin their friendship if he told him. He didn't know what to do about it, it was killing him. 

When he spun Zi Tao in seven minutes in heaven he cursed the game as he walked into the closet with Zi Tao. "I am single." Zi Tao said quietly. He hadn't told Luhan that he'd broken up with his girlfriend a while ago. Luhan just nodded and then sighed, this was weird, he'd had dreams about doing this with Zi Tao, but it wasn't going to happen that way. 

Zi Tao did however move to kiss Luhan. Luhan leant up into the kiss, holding Zi Tao's shirt, trying to tip-toe to reach more. He kissed the other boy, forgetting for a second what was going on. Zi Tao's hands took his waist and Luhan wrapped his arms around Zi Tao's neck to get a better angle to kiss the other. He ended up parting his lips letting Zi Tao use his tongue. It was weird, but in a good way. He realised that Zi Tao did know what he was doing and it was easier to just let him lead. Luhan felt dizzy, this was perfect, this was how his first kiss should have been. This was right, this was everything he wanted, and then Zi Tao pulled away and they didn't say anything, they just had a few softer kisses before completely pulling away to wait for the others to come get them. 

They didn't talk about the kiss, they just stood there and after they just sat down and joined the game. Luhan's uncle wasn't picking him up because he was going to stop the night at Zi Tao's but he was so close to calling his uncle and asking to come home because he didn't know what to do about the kiss. He sighed as everyone left and it was just him and Zi Tao, home alone. "Lu" he said quietly. "I kinda need to tell you." Luhan put his pizza slice down and looked at the other. "The kiss earlier was me actually wanting to kiss you and it's not because you're gay or anything, I just really wanted to." He paused. "I want to again." 

Luhan just nodded, moving to pull Zi Tao closer and gave him another kiss. He knew this was what he wanted, but he was a little apprehensive that this wasn't at all what Zi Tao wanted, but he hoped this was as good for Zi Tao as it was for him. He pulled back and Zi Tao smiled. "I like you Tao." Luhan said quietly. He blushed a little and smiled when Zi Tao responded with another kiss. 

Luhan was on cloud nine, he went home and had to go straight into practice. He smiled as he practiced and then stopped when his dad walked in. "Luhan, I have something we need to talk about." Luhan nodded and put the weapons down. He moved to sit with his dad at the side. He looked at his dad, as his dad rested an arm on his shoulder. "I want you to go out with Yi Fan tomorrow night, you're going to start doing his job." Luhan nodded, "he gets rid of bad people, and you're my son so obviously you should go into our family business." 

"You want me to kill people?" Luhan said quietly. 

"You've been training for this you whole life. You're going to do great." His dad smiled, "So you can't go over to your friend's tomorrow, you have to come straight home and Yi Fan will go through everything you need to know in order to take on his role." 

Luhan was quiet at school the next day, he smiled when Zi Tao came over and wrapped his arm around the boy. He leant into Zi Tao and smiled when the other kissed the top of his head. It was quite funny to see that Zi Tao didn't seem to care what the others were probably thinking and that made Luhan happy. He wanted to date someone who wanted to be with him and was happy to be with him. He couldn't believe it had some how worked out and they both liked each other. He didn't even know if there were words to describe the elation he felt just thinking about the boy. Zi Tao asked him about going over that night and Luhan shook his head.

"I can't my dad needs me to be home, family stuff." He said with a small shrug, going back to look at his textbook in the hope that the other wouldn't be inquisitive and ask him endless questions about what was going on. Luhan knew he couldn't tell anyone, he knew his dad was more than capable of killing someone, if he wanted. Luhan was sure his dad loved him but he also knew that the man would do whatever was needed. He might have been brought up away from the mafia side of things, but the fact of the matter was that he had been training Luhan since he was five/six to be an assassin. It was never going to be a choice, his dad had set it up flawlessly.

Luhan didn't know if he should compliment his dad's planning or be appalled. Not that that mattered anymore as he was stood wait for Kris to come get him so they could go out to the mission and Luhan could get it over with. He just wanted to get the mission over with, he wanted to show his dad he could do it, but mostly he wanted to come back home and text Zi Tao while he pretended to do his English homework. 

Luhan had seen Yi Fan before he was tall, statuesque and never really smiled. Yi Fan was the top assassin, Luhan had done his research into who he would be working with. He wasn't going to be going into it blind and he smiled at how proud his dad was about that. He knew he really could say no, but then where would that land him? On the streets? He didn't want to live on the street, he just wanted to stay with his father and make him proud but they wait it was going meant he was going to have to the job. He was family. 

He followed Yi Fan out and got into the other man's car. They were silent as Yi Fan drove, they'd not attached any weapons - which he assumed was because it would be inconvenient to be sat in a car with a dagger strapped to you - although Luhan had concealed a weapon on his calf.He looked at Kris when they pulled up near the edge of a forest. He hadn't time how long it had taken to get to where they had to be. He just knew it wasn't much longer than an hour. He sighed getting out and let the other show him what to equip and how. 

"Don't fuck it up kid, I'm not here to babysit you." Yi Fan said as he helped Luhan strap a dagger on his thigh. "Ok so we go in, we have two targets and there are only two people in the house, your hit is this woman." Yi Fan said handing Luhan a photo and the other looked at it. He wondered why they were having to kill this woman. "Just cut her throat it's easiest and I don't want to have help you, so make sure you do it fast and don't fuck it up." He repeated. Luhan decided that Yi Fan hadn't volunteered to take the other as a helper. 

Luhan followed the other through the forest, he tried to take note of the way they were going so he would be able to get back - he was pretty sure that Yi Fan would just leave him to die. He wanted to make sure he got home after it all. He didn't say anything but he noted that he was more agile than Yi Fan, although he assumed that that was because he was smaller where Yi Fan was a little bit lanky. Luhan didn't really know how he was going to kill someone but he knew had little choice. He followed Yi Fan swiftly getting up onto the roof of the bungalow that he assumed the targets were in. He followed everything Yi Fan did and sighed when he entered the bungalow. It was very nice, they were clearly very rich. And he was pretty sure that pretty rich meant they either owed his dad a lot of money or they had something that his father didn't want them to have. He followed the signals that Yifan gave him and checked other rooms. He didn't want to find people other than the targets because Luhan knew he'd have to kill anyone he found - and he didn't want to kill a child.

Luckily there was no one, he knew the last door was going to be where both targets were and he didn't know what was going to be lying on the other side of the door. Yi Fan opened and they moved to the bed. Luhan did it quickly, slitting the throat of the woman deep enough to kill her in less than a few seconds and then he ran. He didn't look back for Yi Fan, he just ran. Running back across the roof and then through the forest the way he came. Luhan got to the car nearly twice as fast as when he had been on his way to the targets. He couldn't focus all he could think of was the woman and the blood and the man and he'd killed someone and that was when he threw up. "Luhan" he heard an out of breath Yi Fan. Luhan straightened up and then took a tissue that Yi Fan handed him. "You're not going to throw up again?" He said quietly, and Luhan didn't answer right away he felt queasy still thinking about what he'd done. "The first one is the hardest Luhan, it will get easier from here." Luhan looked at the other, he didn't get why he was being so nice to him after the way he'd treated him before.

"I'm fine to go home." Luhan said quietly after a few minutes, he felt the nausea settle a little. He got in the car and Yi Fan started driving. Yi Fan looked at Luhan when they were stopped at a stop light. 

"Don't think about them. I know I was hard on you earlier, but you're the boss' son. I just assumed you were tagging along because he wanted you to, not because you're good." Yi Fan said, Luhan looked out the window, he didn't want to talk about what he'd done. "She wouldn't have felt any pain Luhan, you did a clean job." 

"I don't care." he said quietly. "I killed someone." 

"It's just a job Luhan, you just learn to shut off for the job." Yi Fan said quietly. "You'll be on jobs with me for a while until it's decided you'll be ok to do it on your own." Yi Fan parked at Luhan's house - which doubled up as the meeting place for Luhan's father. "We're not going to tell your father about your running and then puking ok?" Yi Fan said as they walked in and took Luhan to the office, and they both sat down. "It's done boss, Luhan completed his hit efficiently." 

Luhan lay awake that night. He didn't know how he could act like it didn't happen.He didn't know how he could let Zi Tao hold him and give him soft kisses in his room while they watched some lame film. He rolled over onto his side and pulled the blanket over him. He slept in the next day and was woken up by his dad shaking him gently. "Luhan." Luhan sat up and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up. "Xiao Lu," he said using Luhan's nickname from when he was a child. He handed the boy a smoothie and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "You're gonna be late for school if you don't hurry up, You can stay longer at Zi Tao's house tonight if you want because you haven't got a combat lesson today, ok?" Luhan nodded, he was excited because he couldn't wait to spend more time at Zi Tao's. "You can sleep over at his tonight, you just call and tell us where you are." 

Luhan nodded and looked at his dad, "Thanks dad. When do I have to go back out with Yi Fan?" He said remembering what Yi Fan had said about him having to work more with him. 

"Soon, Luhan." He said quietly. "But it won't interfere with your school life ok? I want you to do well in school and I want you to go to college ok?" Luhan nodded, "You're a very intelligent boy, and I heard how good you were last night. You're going to be a great assassin." 

Luhan felt sick, he was an assassin. He was a hit man. He waited until his dad left before he started to get ready. He walked into school and smiled when he walked into his homeroom and saw it was only Tao in the class. He gave the boy a quick kiss and they both smiled. "Are you coming over tonight?" Zi Tao said quietly. Luhan nodded, "My parents aren't home so if you want we can order pizza, and watch a film before you have to go." 

"My martial arts class is cancelled so my dad said I can stay the night at yours as long as I do my homework." Luhan said with a small laugh when the other gave him another kiss. "You know people are going to start talking about us, because we're not exactly hiding it."

"Do you want to hide it?" Zi Tao asked. Luhan shook his head and they kissed again, although this time it was a little longer. They pulled apart when someone cleared their throat before joining them. It was one of their friends who told them that they looked cute together. Zi Tao made Luhan feel comfortable, but he wasn't with Zi Tao for all his classes. He rolled his eyes in his biology class when people made little comments about him and Zi Tao. Luhan didn't care, and when Zi Tao was standing waiting for him outside the class it was all ok. They ate lunch together, well with their whole group of friends but it was almost as if they were in a world of their own. 

Luhan lay on Zi Tao's bed doing his homework while Zi Tao played video games to pass the time. Luhan wondered if this could be something he did more frequently. He wanted it to happen more often. He wanted to always be over. When he finished they went downstairs and sat on the sofa, Zi Tao's arm around Luhan as they watched a film. At some point during the film, they stopped watching and just spent the time kissing. Luhan's lips parted and Zi Tao's tongue was exploring his mouth, occasionally their tongues touched. Luhan expected it to be gross, it was gross to think about but this wasn't gross. This was perfect. This felt good, and he didn't want it to end. 

Luhan soon worked out that if he did a mission with Yi Fan his dad would let him stay with Zi Tao the next night, and he loved doing that. It was something he really enjoyed, he wanted to be with Zi Tao constantly, and he was really trying to get it so on Zi Tao's seventeenth birthday he could have the night off, it was really cliche but they'd been dating for over seven months, and they had decided that they were going to have sex. They'd done all the research and got all the supplies and Zi Tao's parents were going to be out, so it was going to be perfect. Luhan just needed to get his dad to agree to letting him go over. He'd told his dad that he was dating Zi Tao and his father had agreed to it on the basis that it didn't affect any of his mission's with Yi Fan. Which so far it hadn't. He smiled when his dad called him into the office. 

"You're going out with Yi Fan again tonight, if this mission goes well you can spend Zi Tao's birthday together." Luhan practically ran to his dad and hugged him tightly. 

He got in the car with Yi Fan, and they sat in silence. "You know kid, soon you're gonna be doing these mission's alone. I'm running out of things to teach you." Luhan smiled a little as they sat in the car, "I mean now you've stopped throwing up after every mission you're practically ready to go alone." It had taken Luhan a while but now he could just shut it off. He was pretty glad about that, he wanted to impress Yi Fan almost as much as he wanted to impress his dad. 

Luhan got out of the car when Yi Fan pulled up and began strapping the weapons on under his clothing. He smiled as they both took off, he had read the map so he knew where they were going, and he knew his target, a forty-three year old man who had killed one of the nameless members of the mafia, but he'd still killed a brother. Luhan slipped in through an open window and crept towards a bedroom. He saw his target asleep - he much preferred those missions and very quickly performed the execution before going to find Yi Fan, he came in behind Yi Fan and noted the other was having trouble with a target fighting back. Luhan was quick to move almost un-seen behind the man before carefully performing the execution. 

Him and Yi Fan set off again, running, not talking until they got to the car and took off all their weapons. "Thanks, kid, I'd have nearly not got my hit without you." 

Luhan had gotten an amazing report from Yi Fan and his dad had decided he was now ok to do missions alone - which was a terrifying thought - but also that he could stay at Zi Tao's for his birthday and until dinner time the day after. Luhan was ecstatic. 

Despite having researched everything Luhan wasn't quite sure what he was doing, as he and Zi Tao were making out in nothing but their boxers, crotches rubbing against each other as they felt themselves getting hard. Luhan wasn't sure when but Zi Tao had a hand in the back of his boxers and was squeezing his ass. 

When he was fingering Zi Tao to stretch him out he nearly cried when Zi Tao went soft. "It's normal" Zi Tao mumbled, Luhan continued moving his fingers in the other, they'd practiced before, well Zi Tao had told Luhan he'd fingered himself before. Luhan kissed Zi Tao gently, as he pulled his fingers out and rolled a condom on, before coating it with lube. He thought he probably used too much lube but he was so afraid of it not going in that he had to. 

He slowly pushed into Zi Tao and stopped once he was halfway in. He closed his eyes panting, stroking the other to get him hard. Luhan didn't know why but he lost all of his nerves when the other let him get all the way in. He groaned at Zi Tao's tightness, this was better than he'd ever imagined. He was very slow to move, their lips constantly meeting in deep kisses. 

After they'd both come down from their orgasm Luhan tried to stay awake. He kissed the others lips, "I love you Zi Tao." 

"I love you Luhan." he said giving the other a kiss back. They were quick to fall asleep together and late to wake up the next morning. Luhan kissed the other when they woke up, Zi Tao whined a little about being a little sore, but it wasn't that bad. Zi Tao and Luhan got up and got dressed and were soon hanging out on the sofa watching television like they did before they got together. Luhan smiled when his dad pulled up and Luhan gave Zi Tao a gentle kiss and then going out. 

Once he got in the car he knew there was something wrong. His dad was quiet, something was a miss. When he got home his father made him come to the office. "You've been slacking in the classes." He said, "Distracted, you're getting too soft, you're asking too many questions, Luhan." He was practically shouting. "You're not like other boys, you're a killer Luhan, you can't afford to be soft." He sighed, "It's this Zi Tao boy, I knew it from when you became friends but now he's your boyfriend he's just too soft, too weak and I'm not letting you become like him." Luhan just looked at his dad, "You're moving school on Monday, you're never going to see him again." 

"But daddy, I love him." 

"I don't care Luhan. What's more important this boy or our family?" He looked at Luhan, "You don't get to make the choice because the family is always more important than some boy, you will find someone who is strong enough to be your partner but Zi Tao is too weak and he makes you weak." 

Luhan ran out of the room and threw himself on his bed and started crying. He'd just had the most perfect night with his boyfriend and now he was never going to see him again because he'd been asking too many questions and not trying enough, what kind of reason was that? He didn't want to be apart from Zi Tao and he only one school year left before college. He cried until there was a knock on the door and his martial arts coach walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Luhan, try to understand your father." he said rubbing Luhan's back gently. "He wants what's best for you, and our family." He said quietly as Luhan let out an exacerbated scream.

"I hate him. He's ruining my life." Luhan said before kicking his legs on the bed. 

Luhan moved to a private school for the rest of his high school life, he kept his head down and he chose to just work hard to make it into a good university. He wanted to be a doctor and stop being a killer for his father but instead be a medic, to heal the members of the 'family' who were hurt. He didn't talk about Tao and he tried not to think about him where he could help it, there was no point he was never going to see him again. He knew his dad was never going to allow it, he would never allow him to go back to the boy. He wanted to kiss the boy one more time, to tell him how sorry he was.

Nothing was ever going to make up for the fact that he had let his father take him away with no real reason why. He wished he could go back and tell the other it wasn't anything to do with the sex, but he knew that deep down Tao wouldn't have believed him even if he had told him, that once Tao was hurt, his heart was difficult to mend. Tao was just sensitive that way. He was just that kind of soul that couldn't deal with pain. 

Luhan was called to see his father, he sat on the sofa and adjusted his uniform gently, he offered his dad a small smile. "We need to talk about your acceptance letters, you got in to four universities, I can only let you go to the one here. I can't let you take the program in Harbin, Beijing or Guangzhou. I also saw that you applied for medical studies, when were you going to tell me that you wanted to be a doctor?" 

"I didn't think you'd care." Luhan said under his breath. 

"If this is still about that Zi Tao kid." His dad sighed, "You need to accept that sometimes things need to be sacrificed for the greater good." 

"I was still doing my missions." Luhan said and then just sighed, there was no point arguing with his father, it was something he was never going to win, he was just going to have to accept that he was going to have to do what his dad said. "Please, just let me learn how to heal people, so I can heal people in our 'family'," He watched for his dad's reaction. He didn't know if his father was going to agree to it, but he was at the point where he was at the mercy of his father's choice. 

"I think medicine would be a good career choice for you. I mean you're very academically gifted Lu Han, and I'm proud of you, getting a medical degree will be something you can be very proud of yourself for managing it." Luhan was honestly surprised by his dad's reaction, having expected it to be a fight. 

"Yes, so I can go to medical school?" he asked with a small smile. "I'll do it in Shanghai." 

It was that simple, and once Luhan had received his acceptance letter and was soon packing up to go live in a dorm with another student - who he met and was called Yixing. He liked Yixing, but he seemed somewhat pre-occupied most days. Luhan wasn't sure what major the boy was, he'd never really asked. Luhan did know that him and Yixing were in completely different circles. Yixing was a party boy, he came back most days as the dorms closed, drunk and then got into the bed without saying a word. 

Luhan was anxious about starting class, he was at a mixer for the medical students and honestly he didn't know what to say. He didn't know who to talk to. Maybe it was just going to be easier if he didn't make any friends. He just wanted to keep his head down, do his work and pass all his classes. Getting close to people was just going to cause a problem for them. He smiled when a boy came up to him and spoke in what could only be described as heavily accented Chinese. "Hi I'm Minseok." 

"Luhan" he said quietly, he smiled politely, but the conversation continued on, and Luhan found himself enjoying the others company. Which was weird after a year of isolation to find someone intriguing enough to want to talk to him more. Minseok was from Korea, and was choosing to study in China for some reason, he had studied Chinese but Luhan could tell that he was still a bit anxious when it came to speaking. He didn't mind he would listen and help the other if he needed. 

Minseok's phone rung as they were walking home together. Luhan just kept walking as he heard Minseok switching to Korean and it sounded like he was arguing with the person on the other line. When Minseok hung up, "My boyfriend is angry I went out tonight, like you'd think he'd be ok with it because he's always getting drunk with his friends." 

"Boyfriend?" Luhan looked at Minseok. 

"I'm gay." Minseok said flatly, "Is that a problem?" 

Luhan shook his head, "no, I am too, I just was surprised." he said with a small shrug. I don't know why. I just didn't think you were." 

"Surprise" Minseok said with a small sigh. "my boyfriend is just being an asshole." he mumbled, running his hand through his hair. "Anyway this is the global dorms so I'll see you in class monday." 

Luhan got to class early to get a good seat and it wasn't too long until Minseok joined him and they talked again. It became a routine. They would both go to class and sit together, they'd eat lunch together, they'd study together. It was a safe routine, they were close and it was easier for Luhan to study with another person. They learnt a lot about each other - within reason in Luhan's case. 

He heard all about Minseok's boyfriend, and Luhan kept it to himself that he didn't like the other's boyfriend. He didn't like the way that Minseok was being treated, but he wasn't in a position to say anything. He just had to keep quiet, he was just a friend, and he didn't want to over step the mark. He was getting closer to Minseok and he enjoyed the other's company. 

"Hey Luhan" Minseok said looking up from his book, "wanna come to mine tonight, my roommate is going out on a date, so we'll have the place to ourselves, and I can cook you some Korean food." He said with a smile. 

"Yeah sounds great." Luhan said with a small laugh. He'd been asking for weeks if he could try some Korean food - he'd never tried it before and he was sure that Minseok was missing it. 

When Luhan got to the other's apartment he met Sehun. Sehun was nice. He was quiet and he was also rushing out the door so Luhan barely got to speak to him. He then went and sat on Minseok's bed looking around the room, he smiled, it was how he imagined Minseok's room to be, there were some medical posters on the wall. One which was a diagram of the skeleton, with a very detailed systematic labeling in Chinese. Luhan noticed that a lot of the labels had Korean scrawled underneath. 

He then saw on the boys bedside table the photo frame showing Minseok and another man (that Luhan assumed was his boyfriend), they looked happy, they looked good together. He wondered when they took the photo and if they were as happy as they looked in the photo. He didn't think they were because they were always fighting or Minseok was complaining a lot. He worried about Minseok a little when it came to his boyfriend, he knew it was hurting him and there was nothing he could do from in China. He knew Minseok was worried about upsetting his boyfriend and that was really holding him back from going out with the other medical students and having fun. 

Luhan looked up when Minseok came in with a two bowls, "lets eat" he said with a smile, handing one to Luhan. They ate in relative silence, because they were focusing on the food. Luhan smiled at the other when they'd finished. 

"It was really good, I was surprised it was so good." he teased a little. He smiled when Minseok kicked him lightly. "So, you ready for the first test?" Luhan sighed, it was as if the only thing in his brain was medicine. He knew it had been a while since his dad had asked him to do a job so he knew that was going to happen again soon. 

"No, I was supposed to study last night, but my boyfriend called and we had a huge fight." Minseok said looking down, "so I didn't study at all, I don't know any of the muscles and it's stressing me out." he said before shrugging, "but the fight was my fault. I knew it would piss him off, but I still ignored his calls all day so I could do that report." Minseok sighed a little, and Luhan shook his head. 

"You had to do the report, it's not like you were just ignoring him just to be an asshole. He needs to accept that you are doing a medical degree and need to write essays."

Minseok shrugged a little, "I guess, but he just doesn't understand that, he thinks I'm just doing it to make him angrier." 

Luhan just nodded, he didn't say anything, it wasn't his place. He was just Minseok's friend and he had never met the other's boyfriend. Luhan just ate silently, he didn't even know if Minseok wanted him to say anything. "So muscles..." Luhan said flicking his way through the textbook to find the part which clearly showed all the muscles. "What is the function of the frontalis?" Luhan asked. 

"It wrinkles eyebrows?" Minseok said, the uncertainty in his voice was obvious. Luhan nodded and Minseok eyed the book, "What nerves control the longus colli?" 

"C2, C3, C4, C5 and C6." Luhan said with a proud smirk, "It flexes the neck and the head right?" Luhan laughed a little, all he'd been doing was studying so he knew he knew most of the muscles if not all of them. "Ok, What's the nerve and function for the coracobrachialis?"

"coracobrachialis... I forgot where that is." 

"musculocutaneous nerve" Luhan said with a small shrug, "it flexes at the shoulder joint" Minseok just nodded and gave Luhan the next muscle. Luhan felt pretty confident after he had finished studying with Minseok and then smiled as he walked back to his own place. He wondered if Minseok was really ok, but he wasn't in a place to ask him when they had been studying and really it was none of his business but he couldn't help but worry about the Korean boy, he seemed like it was really getting him down. 

Luhan passed the exam easily, which was quite amazing as he'd been called out on a job the night before the test. He'd also found it was a blessing and a curse to know exactly what muscles controlled what when it came to executing them. Luhan wondered if he was ever going to be desensitized to it. He smiled when Minseok came over waving his paper (it was a C). They agreed that every exam after that, they'd study together as it 'really' helped them. Luhan was glad to have a friend for the first time in a long time. He liked feeling like he belonged. 

Luhan was sat on Minseok's bed quizzing him on the bones in the body months later, while Minseok's roommate, Sehun was getting ready to go out. Luhan liked the other Korean, but he didn't really talk to him. He was a dance major so they didn't really have much in common. He looked over when he heard a knock on the door, and Sehun answered it before pulling his date in. They'd been informed about the hooking up that had been happening between the pair. Sehun pulled the boy in. "Guys this is Tao." 

Luhan looked at Tao. "Zi Tao." he said quietly, it was the same Zi Tao that was his first love, his first heartbreak, admittedly he looked a little bit hotter and now had a lip ring. Tao looked at Luhan and then back at Sehun. 

"Sehun, let's just go, I made us a reservation." he said quietly, before pulling the boy in for a kiss. Luhan looked away and stared at his book until they left. He didn't want to deal with his, not right now. 

Minseok eyed Luhan and then gave him a little shrug, "So Zi Tao's pretty hot." he said quietly. "You looked surprised to see him." Minseok looked over at Luhan who was still staring intently at his book. "Are you gonna tell me when you two fucked or...?" 

"He was my first love." Luhan said, and Minseok shut up, he read over the book. He didn't know why it was bothering him. He knew that Tao was going to move on, it wasn't like he couldn't. "He was my first everything and we didn't end well." He sighed a little. 

"Like should I be worried about Sehun?" 

"No. I left. I had to move school, and I didn't exactly say goodbye." Luhan looked at Minseok, "It was like a week after we had sex for the first time and I didn't realise how much I'd missed him or how much it would hurt to see him again." 

"Oh you're the asshole." Minseok said with a melodic laugh, "remind me never to date you." Minseok paused a little and then looked at Luhan, "Wait, you're a top?" 

"I've only had sex with Tao." Luhan hissed a little, embarrassed by his inexperience. "But yes, I was on top." Minseok raised an eyebrow, "what?" 

"No, I mean I knew Tao was a bottom from when he came in - and Sehun only dates bottom's, he doesn't like switching." Minseok hummed a little, "I just never thought you were a _top_ " He rolled his eyes a little, "although you might not be if you're ever with a switch ." he said with a small laugh.

Luhan just stared at the book more intently refusing to have this conversation. "As much as I want to discuss sex with you, we have studying to do." Luhan mumbled a little. "Where is the zygomatic bone?" 

"I don't see why we can't have this conversation, we're both adults." Minseok said with a shrug. "It's the cheekbone." Minseok said with confidence before sighing a little, "where is the pisiform bone?" 

"It's just weird, I just don't know how I'd feel." Luhan mumbled before looking at Minseok, "Easy, it's a small pea shaped sesamoid bone that is found in the wrist. It forms the ulnar border of the carpal tunnel." He said with a small smirk, "What is the Hamate bone?" 

"What how you'd feel being the bottom? You might like it." Minseok said with a laugh, "Both ways is pretty good when you're with someone you love and trust." Luhan rolled his eyes at the other. "The Hamate bone is in the hand, and is an irregularly shaped carpal bone, it sort of looks like a hammer." He said with a laugh, "How many Coccygeal vertebrae are there?" 

"Well I don't think it's going to be a prospect for me." Luhan said looking down at his friend who he now considered his best friend. He couldn't explain why he didn't think it was going to happen to Minseok, but he hoped his friend would just accept it. "four at birth but then they fuse when you get older." 

"There has to be at least one person in this whole school who is your type." Minseok said with a small laugh, "Look we can go out clubbing and find you a guy to hook up with or something." 

"I don't do hooking up." Luhan said quietly, keeping his eyes on his own book."I just I'm not interested in things without feelings." Luhan said quietly, maybe it was because he had gotten so good at turning off his feelings when it came to killing that he didn't want to have another thing in his life where he'd just turn off his feelings to be able to do it. He didn't need to be the kind of emotionless person that clearly his father could be. He wanted to be something better than that and eventually have no reason to stop himself feeling. He wasn't going to be a killer forever, he knew that. He was going to be a doctor, he was going to save more lives than he had taken and he was going to pay back the country, the world that he had hurt. He didn't want to be remembered as someone who had killed people, he wanted to be remembered as the good person he knew he was deep down. 

When it came to 'type' he didn't really have one. He didn't really know what kind of guys he liked. He'd loved Zitao but he wouldn't have said that was his type. He just liked some guys, and he'd noticed that he did have feelings for Minseok - but he wasn't in the business of breaking up relationships. He really just wanted Minseok to be happy and if that wasn't with him, then it wasn't with him and he was comfortable with that. He was just going to move on and hopefully meet someone he could be with.

He and Minseok had decided that they were going to be living together when they came back for their second year and had put a deposit down on a small apartment, near the hospital where they had both been placed. Luhan was a bit put out by his assignment as he didn't want to go into Oncology, he didn't want to have to tell people they were dying or that they were going to lose their loved ones. Minseok had got a much better assignment and was working in Endocronology for the first semester of the next year. Although Minseok was complaining that he was basically just going to be watching people administer insulin for the whole semester. 

The apartment was pretty small and was nothing to really write home about. Luhan had managed to negoticate a decent rent fro the both of them and his dad had really helped in finding a good location, after Luhan had promised him that Minseok wouldn't get suspicious of him leaving on his tasks because they were working for different departments so wouldn't see each other's schedule plus Luhan was an adult and Minseok had no reason to want to know where he was at all times of the day. Luhan had also promised to take on more tasks for his father - but if he scored within the top ten on the medical course he was going to get less. 

Luhan knew he was going to do well in the exams he'd prepared so much and honestly he felt like the only student who really tried sometimes, not that the other students were lazy but they just didn't want it as much as he _needed_ it. Luhan wasn't even anxious about taking the exams he just knew he had to do well. 

They finished the year, and both passed. Minseok was going back to Korea to spend the summer break with his boyfriend and his family who he hadn't seen in over a year and Luhan was going to miss his best friend (and also Sehun who'd somehow wormed his way into Luhan's heart too). Luhan took Minseok to the airport and waved to his best friend, he then went back home. 

Summer was going to drag, he was going to have to do more tasks to make up for only doing a few during the academic year. But Luhan had known that was how it was going to be from the start of the academic year. He didn't mind really, it was better than having to do tasks every week, while still trying to maintain scores well above 90%. He knew that his dad was hard on him because he loved him but sometimes it was hard to see it that way. 

He didn't tell his dad that Zitao was at the same university and he didn't really tell his dad about Minseok, just that they were going to be living together and that Minseok wouldn't ask questions. Luhan wondered sometimes if he really could bring a boyfriend home to meet his dad. He was sure that his dad did want him to be happy but at the same time his dad also wanted his focus to be entirely on the family. 

Luhan also wondered if he was going to be able to work long term at a hospital or if he was going to be restricted to working for the family for his whole life. He wasn't going to ask his dad, not until he'd graduated - he didn't want to be pulled out of university. He wanted a chance to give himself a better chance at life, at everything. He didn't know if he was ever going to be able to escape the family he'd been brought into - and he really did love them. 

He always laughed when his dad told him not to tell Minseok about the family. Why would he ever want to? How would he even begin to tell his best friend that he'd been killing people for years and was actually quite efficient at it. He wanted to keep his friend, he wanted to make more friends and no one wanted to be friends with a murderer. 

Luhan moved into the apartment first, him and his dad had gone at least a week before Minseok's flight to China was going to come in because his dad wanted to conceal weapons around the house in case someone tried to revenge hit Luhan. Luhan thought it was crazy but at the same time, he'd rather be safe than sorry. He made sure the weapons were in places that Minseok would never find them, and made a mental note to come up with a lie for the off chance that Minseok ever did stumble across a weapon. 

When Luhan picked Minseok up from the airport he was pretty sure the other had been crying. He sighed when they got in the car and Minseok began ranting about his now ex-boyfriend. "He was such a dick to me. He treated me like I was nothing, and I'm way more than he could ever appreciate. I'm fucking fantastic. I gave him everything and I even wasted my first year of university not going out because of him." Minseok said when Luhan didn't really say anything. "I mean you wouldn't understand, but he was just such an asshole." 

"He did seem controlling." Luhan said quietly as he pulled up at their apartment. "But like you said it's over now so you can just focus on being you." He held his breath a little when they walked in and hoped that the other would appreciate what he had done with the place while the other was in Korea. Luhan was pretty sure that the other was the same person without his crazy controlling partner. But this Minseok wanted to go out clubbing, to find a new man to hook up with. 

So it wasn't too long until Sehun and Zitao were sat on the sofa in Luhan's apartment making out, while everyone was pre-drinking. Luhan still felt a little sting when he saw Zitao with Sehun but he knew that the other was happy - and it was the way it should be. He knew that Zitao and Sehun weren't exclusive and he'd over-heard Sehun talking about wanting to pick up a guy tonight. He never thought that Zitao would be down for that kind of relationship, but what did he really know about Zitao. Zitao had probably changed a lot since they had been together. 

At the club it wasn't long before it was just Zitao and Luhan, the other two having gone off to pick up guys 'Korean style', whatever that meant. "Wanna dance?" Zitao said after a few minutes of awkward drinking. Luhan nodded and followed the man out onto the floor. He smiled when they started dancing against each other, hips grinding as they got down to the music. Luhan smirked a little at the other and rested his arms on the much taller man's shoulders. He leant up to give the other a kiss - more out of habit than anything. He found Zitao kissing him back. He moved to wrap his arms around the others neck and pull him down closer for a deeper kiss. He didn't want to pull back, he didn't want to lose this moment. He missed Zitao, he missed his touch. Zitao pulled back and moved to lead Luhan out of the club before pushing him up against the wall of the club when they were outside, in an area where people smoked (and aparently hooked up). Luhan felt himself get pressed into the wall by Zitao who was keeping their hips pressed together. 

Luhan gasped into the kiss, Zitao was so much sexier now, so much more sure of himself. He was everything he wasn't when they were together. It was all different. Zitao knew what he wanted. Luhan pulled back and smirked at Zitao, who had kept his head close. Luhan leant up and gave him a few gentle kisses, holding onto his back tightly, but he didn't grope the other. He just held him close, sharing a few intimate kisses. Zitao sighed after a while and pulled back, "It's not the same, right?" He said almost rhetorically. Luhan nodded. 

"Yeah, we're different people now." He said hands tracing down Zitao's muscular arms. He didn't want to let him go, for this to be over forever because once he let go, they were never going to do this again, they were never going to be in love again. This was closure. "I think you and Sehun are good together." Luhan said quietly, "I don't understand this whole thing where you get with other people but if it makes you happy then why not do it." He said with a shrug. 

"We're not together." Zitao said with a small laugh, "I'm waiting for him to ask me, but I don't think he's going to anytime soon. I think he's just going to avoid talking about it so he can have the best of both worlds." 

"You could ask him, you know." Luhan said with a small laugh. They both walked back in soon after that, there was no point standing outside in the cold. Luhan found Minseok at the end of the night - he had apparently not found anyone and had decided that Luhan had to look after him all night. Which Luhan would do, even if he wasn't asked. Minseok walked home, hand in hand with Minseok. 

"I saw you and Zitao" Minseok slurred slightly. "Making out." 

"Yeah" Luhan shrugged a little, there was no point denying it, he wasn't ashamed of it. He just didn't have anything more to say about it. He had wanted to see if there was still anything between them and there wasn't. "He just isn't the same person I used to love." Luhan said with a small sigh. 

"So why make out with him?" Minseok asked, "You know he is with Sehun." 

"Sehun sleeps with other guys, it's not like I was breaking them up." Luhan sighed a little, he didn't need a lesson in ethics from his drunken best friend and honestly was glad that the other fell asleep almost instantly when they got into Luhan's bed - because Minseok apparently _had_ to share a bed. Luhan just lay awake, looking at his best friend. He didn't know what he was going to do. He knew he felt something for the other but there was no way he could act on it. There was no way he could do anything about it. Minseok had just got out of a long term relationship and Luhan didn't want to be a rebound. 

Luhan kept quiet about his feelings, still going out with Sehun and Zitao with Minseok. He was glad to hear that Sehun had finally asked Zitao to be exclusive and he noticed that it made for a much happier Zitao. Although, he could do without seeing them dry humping against club walls. Minseok got over his ex slowly, he dated a few guys and then decided he was going to find the right person. 

Luhan rolled his eyes at Minseok's plan to find Mr.Right. It appeared to involve changing himself. "You know Minseok, you don't need new clothes, or a new haircut to find a nice guy to date. You just need to be you, you're hot and you're a great person and anyone who gets to be the reason you smile every day and gets to wake up next to you after a night of sleeping next to you is going to be a very lucky man." Luhan said looking at his coffee, index finger tracing around the rim. It was near the end of their second semester and soon it would be finals and then another year finished. Luhan was on mostly night shifts so he wasn't going clubbing with the group much. 

"Luhan, being me isn't exactly working." Minseok sighed, "no one wants to date me, other than you." 

"What?" Luhan said looking at the other. 

"Zitao told me." Minseok said quietly, "He told me how you look at me." 

"Right." Luhan said quietly. "He told you I liked you." 

"Yeah, and then I began to piece it together." Minseok shrugged, "and clearly you were never planning on asking me, so how could you be Mr.Right." 

"I was never going to ask because you were throwing yourself at all the wrong men!"

"And you're the right man?"

"Maybe! I'll treat you better than any other man you've ever been with, but if that's not good enough for you." Luhan stopped talking and just looked at Minseok. 

"Fine. Take me out for dinner then, if you're so amazing." 

"Fine, are you free on Friday? It's the only day I'm not on nights this week." 

"Yes." Minseok said with a small smile. "I'm free, and so you know I'm not expecting expensive, just nice." He said before grabbing his bag and walking out. Luhan didn't know what to think, he knew he had to find a place to take Minseok out to dinner and then maybe go do something with. This was finally his chance to show the other how he could be treated. He wanted to show the other what a real boyfriend did. He wanted to make sure the boy got the best treatment the whole date. He wanted to treat the boy so well that he never wanted to be with someone else. He wanted to be the only one for Minseok. He needed to show the other how good he really could be. 

Luhan sat waiting for Minseok in their apartment, he was waiting for the other to come home. He had found a nice place to eat and then after he was just going to bring Minseok back home - he knew the other had just come off a twelve hour shift in the emergency room. He didn't want to let the other get too tired. He didn't know if it would impress the other that he was being considerate.

Minseok was quiet as they sat at a Korean restaurant. "Korean food?" 

"Yeah" Luhan laughed a little, "I just, thought you might miss home." 

"Yeah, I do, but we could have gone out for Chinese food, I know you're not really that keen on spicy food." Minseok said with a small laugh. 

"I'm not keen, but I wanted to do this for you." He said with a small smile. "I just thought you should have a good meal after you worked so hard today. Emergency room is hard, everyone talks about how it is the hardest ward." 

"What ward are you on right now?" Minseok said with a small smile. 

"I'm on the baby ward." Luhan said quietly. "It hurts to see so many sick babies but it's great when they are getting better." He smiled a little, "we don't have to talk about medicine if you don't want to. We have other things we can talk about." Luhan laughed a little. 

"We spend all day talking about medicine." Minseok laughed a little, "all we do is talk about medicine, that's our life now." he smiled, eating a little more. "So what do we have to do after this?" 

"Well, I was thinking we could just go back to ours and watch something on our tv." Luhan said with a small smile, "I know you must be tired. I didn't want you to be too tired." 

"So considerate." He said with a small laugh. "We could always watch that film we recorded last week." He yawned a little, Luhan knew that Minseok wasn't going to make it through the whole film so he was glad that he had decided that they should go home instead of staying out. 

Luhan sat on the sofa, with Minseok resting against him as they watched the film. Minseok moved to hold Luhan's hand, "I really liked today." he smiled, leaning up to kiss Luhan's cheek. "You might just have been right." He mumbled before looking back at the television. It didn't take long for Minseok to fall asleep, soon after, however, Luhan got a text of an address and a name, with a photo. He sighed getting up, gently moving Minseok so he was under a blanket and had a cushion. 

Luhan left as quietly as he could, moving to change and strap his favourite dagger to his thigh. He sighed looking over at Minseok one more time, and then left. He had to do this task, his dad wasn't going to take no for an answer when it came to this. He was driving himself to the location, stopping to pick up Yifan. He smiled a little at the other. "Joining me today?" 

"Yeah, we've got an important target, apparently has a few guards." Yifan said with a small shrug and looked at the other, "how's medical school going? Your dad keeps telling us all how good you do in your exams but how's just life going?" 

"Great" Luhan said, not taking his eye off the road. "What about you, I heard you had a little girl now" 

"Yeah" Yifan laughed a little, "She's really cute, but I'm just worried, you know, with this job it's not exactly easy to have a family." He sighed a little. 

"Yeah." Luhan shrugged a little, pulling up, he got out of the car and moved to start getting more weapons from the boot of his car. He sighed as they both put the weapons on their person and moved to shut the boot of his car. "Ok, you ready?" He asked.

When Luhan got back the next day he noticed that Minseok wasn't in the apartment. He sighed, it was only ten in the morning so he had hoped that the other would still be in, and asleep, so he could act like nothing happened. He sighed when he saw a note taped to the fridge. 

_It sucks that you got buzzed to go into the hospital :(, but I bought you a blueberry muffin (it's on the plate in the fridge) and a coffee (in the microwave). Thank you for last night, it was really one of the best first dates I've ever had. You're the best._

Luhan smiled and got his muffin out of the fridge. He began to eat it while he tried to think of what to tell Minseok. He knew that he should tell his best friend the truth and he didn't want to go into a relationship based on lies. But he wanted to wait until they were official. Until they had decided they liked each other and wanted to embrace each other, flaws and all. 

It took three more dates before Minseok asked Luhan if they could be official. Luhan nodded, he was more than happy to call Minseok his boyfriend. He didn't tell him straight away as they 'celebrated'. 

The next morning they were sat eating breakfast when Luhan sighed. "I need to tell you something." he said Minseok just nodded. "And it might change everything once I do." 

"If the sex was bad, I'm sorry, I haven't had sex for a long time ok." 

"No, no the sex was great. It's not about that, it's about me." Luhan said and then sighed, trying to force himself to say it. 

"Luhan, you're starting to scare me." 

"Minseok, you know what the triads are, right?" 

"Yes Luhan, I'm Korean not stupid, the triads is a name for the seemingly nameless Chinese mafia system, why?" 

"My dad is in charge of a mafia." he said flatly, "and since I was sixteen I've been making hits for him." time seemed to slow down, as he waited to see how Minseok was going to react to the news that he was the son of a mafia boss, that he killed for a living. He didn't know what he was going to do if the other didn't still like him, if he'd just ruined it all by telling Minseok something he really shouldn't know. He knew that he would have to kill him, but he wasn't going to do that, so he'd have to threaten him into silence and that wasn't something he was looking forward to. He didn't want t have to do anything by force when it came to Minseok. He didn't want the other to live in fear of the mafia finding him, he just wanted to protect Minseok and the only way to protect him is to let him know the truth.

"No, really Luhan what are you trying to do? Scare me?" Minseok raised a brow, "you know, you're not the strongest guy I've ever met. You're not some mafia son, I'd know you're just too _safe_ " 

"Minseok. I really am." Luhan sighed a little, he moved and opened a cupboard and grabbing the dagger that was inside it, before throwing it at a cushion. "I can go get that dagger and throw it again into the exact same place. Because my dad used to make me do that every day after school until I got it perfect." 

Minseok just stared at Luhan and didn't say anything. He moved to go into his room, and Luhan just sighed, retriving the dagger and then putting it back in it's safe place. Minseok came back out eventually. "We're going out with Sehun and Tao tonight, they're gonna be here in an hour so we need to get ready." Luhan just nodded. "And about your dad, it's fine, being the son of the mafia doesn't make you a bad person." 

"You sure?" 

"I've known you for two years Luhan, I know you're not a bad person and honestly you're a great date so I don't want to end things over something like this. We can make it work, I'm not over joyed about it but it's not the worst thing in the world."

"You're the best, Minseok, really." Luhan smiled and gave the other a quick kiss. "You're just amazing." 

"I know I am Luhan" Minseok said with a cheeky smile, "Now you need to get ready before Sehun and Tao get here, because I want my boyfriend to show everyone how sexy we are as a couple." Minseok said biting his lip, "Because I know that Tao is really good in bed." 

"You're insecure about that?" Luhan said with a small smile, "It's not even a comparison, you're a lot better than he was when I slept with him. You don't need to worry, you're perfect how you are." 

"I just hear things about him." 

"And? I was his first time, no one is good the first time they have sex." Luhan said with a smile, "Not even him, what even are these rumours? I've never heard any." 

"Just, that he's really good in bed, I don't wanna talk about it anymore." 

"Don't be insecure about that Minseok, you're great and I think we're great. So he has nothing on you. Don't compare yourself to anyone because to me you are incomparable." 

Minseok hit Luhan on the arm and complained about him being cheesy. But Luhan knew deep down that Minseok loved it. He could tell from the way the other blushed slightly at his words that it wasn't all bad. He was still doing something right to get that kind of reaction from the boy. 

The club went well, it was a double date, but also a weird competition of which couple was more in love. To Luhan it felt like a competition but he would do anything for Minseok and if it made him more comfortable to know that Luhan went the whole night not being able to take his eyes of Minseok then it didn't matter. All Luhan saw was Minseok. He was enamoured, he'd never felt this way and he knew he was only three dates in but he was pretty sure he'd found _the one_. He wasn't sure how he was going to break it to his dad that he'd found his soulmate. But he knew that his dad would be happy for him once he got over the shock of Luhan having found someone. 

What happened with Tao still stuck in his mind, so Luhan knew he had to keep executing his job well in order for his father not to see Minseok as being a weakness in Luhan. He needed to keep proving to his father that Minseok was good for him even without his father knowing the true nature of their relationship. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to tell Minseok when he was asked about his dad, so he came up with a generic excuse each time. He didn't want to have to tell Minseok the truth about the whole Tao thing and how it made him anxious about introducing Minseok.

Minseok didn't ask many questions when it came to Luhan's father, he just accepted that it was something he was never going to get much information on. He knew that Luhan had been adopted when he was five and didn't want to find his biological family that seemed to be enough for Minseok. Minseok would never press Luhan about family, just like Luhan wouldn't press Minseok about his - not that there was a problem with his family, it was just difficult. 

The settled into a routine. They were comfortable, it was the same as before only they shared a bed. Luhan loved sharing a bed with someone, he liked Minseok lying in his arms, he liked to be able to feel the other breathing and to feel so intimately close to someone. He felt safe when he was lying next to Minseok, Minseok was his safe place, his home. Minseok loved him even knowing that he had done and continued to do terrible things for his dad. Minseok never let Luhan feel like he was judging him or disgusted by him for the fact that he was a killer. 

Minseok, however, wasn't keen on the idea that the apartment was full of weapons and Luhan promised that when Minseok went home for summer that he'd take all the weapons out. He did that. Well he did most of it. He kept weapons in places still but there was a lot less of them. Luhan couldn't go completely weaponless because of the risks of his job. 

It was two years later, when they were five years into medical school that Luhan decided he wanted to marry Minseok. He knew he wanted to do the whole wedding and settling down thing, but the time felt right to ask him. He wanted to make them even more committed than they already were to each other. He had taken Sehun with him to go hunting for the perfect engagement ring. It had to be perfect. He knew that Minseok would want something in a very classy style but he wasn't sure how classy was classy enough (and still in his price range - as he couldn't ask his dad to help him out buying a ring for the boyfriend that he didn't know about). 

It took them three hours - and Luhan was pretty sure he'd seen every ring ever made. But he finally found the perfect ring. It was a classic cut - but still masculine. He couldn't wait to actually propose but he was unsure of the right timing, he didn't want to make it into a huge showy thing because he knew that it wasn't really in Minseok's nature to enjoy things like that. He knew the other would enjoy something much more subtle. 

Luhan was also convinced that Minseok had an inkling that he was going to propose, he knew that Sehun wasn't the greatest at keeping secrets and also that Minseok had a rather curious nature. He didn't mind though, Minseok hadn't mentioned it even though Luhan was nearly one hundred percent sure that Minseok knew there was an engagement ring in Luhan's jacket at most times. 

Luhan sat on the floor of the apartment with his back against the sofa, Minseok had his head in Luhan's lap and was watching some Korean program on the television that Luhan was pretending he understood and was adding the translations in his head to make the program probably five times more interesting than it was. He played a little with Minseok's hair and then sighed. "Hey, Minseok, I know you saw the ring in my lab coat." 

Minseok looked up at Luhan and shook his head. "What ring?" He mumbled before looking back at the television. "If it's not that one I pointed out when we went to that old market place I don't know what you're talking about." He added looking at Luhan. 

"I know you know I'm talking about the engagement ring. I'm not stupid Minseok, I know you know about it." 

"Wow, Luhan, I just set it up so you could 'surprise' me with the ring, and I could get all excited and then we could have hot passionate engagement sex." 

"Do you want to marry me?" 

"No, Luhan I spent two weeks getting excited every time you _wanted to talk_ because I just couldn't wait to throw the ring in your face." He bitched before looking at Luhan. "Yes, I want to marry you. Can you just put the ring on me, I want to just get to the part where we get to tell everyone you _finally_ asked me."

"Did I make you wait?" Luhan smiled, getting the ring from under a couch cushion and moving to put it on Minseok who moved to kiss Luhan deeply, before lying back and looking at the ring. 

"Are you just proposing because I didn't freak about the assassin thing?" 

"You freaked." Luhan said quietly, "But you still loved me, and it's not every day you meet a man who accepts your dad is a mafia boss." 

"I am pretty special aren't I?"

"Yeah, you're the most special." Luhan said with a small shrug, "I mean you made me love you, that's gotta be something special, I'm a catch" He said teasingly. Luhan gave his now fiance a quick kiss before resting his head on the other's shoulder. 

"So do I get to meet your dad now?" Minseok asked with a small smile. 

"No." Luhan said quietly, "Not yet, I need to break him into the idea I'm getting married, but once he's over that he's going to love you as much as I do. He's going to see just how happy you make me and he's going to accept that you're amazing for me. And it's all going to be ok, so don't worry about it." Luhan said with a small, he kissed Minseok's cheek. "Now let's get you to our room." He said with a laugh. 

Luhan carried Minseok through to their room, kissing him almost all the way, he then put the other on the bed before crawling over him to kiss him more. Minseok smiled against the kisses holding onto Luhan's muscular arms. Luhan smirked when Minseok wrapped his legs around Luhan's slim waist. He wanted to take his time, to appreciate his future husbands body, to give the other everything he wanted and more. Luhan didn't get much time to do this usually, normally they were having to rush because one of them had a shift in a few hours, but today he could take his time and worship the body of the man he loved. 

Luhan lay holding Minseok, after they'd both come down from their highs. He smiled pressing soft kisses to Minseok's shoulder as the other whined a little about his affection. "I can't wait to marry you." Luhan said with a smile, "even if I have to wait for four more years until we get time to do this again, I can wait for you." He said with a smile. Minseok rolled his eyes and pulled Luhan up for a kiss on the lips. 

Being engaged wasn't much different to just dating, they still had crazy work schedules and school schedules, but now Minseok got to tell pretty much every nurse around that the future Dr.Lu had finally asked him to marry him. Apparently everyone but Luhan had known how much Minseok had wanted him to propose. He did wonder a little why the other hadn't ever mentioned it but he'd given up trying to understand why Minseok did things and just accepted that the other was the perfect match for him. 

It was a much better view to have than to sit trying to analyse everything he did. He loved the boy completely and he was so happy just to be able to tell people that yes he had asked Minseok to marry him and yes Minseok had said yes. He just needed to break the news to his dad. He was pretty anxious about that, he'd told his dad a few weeks ago that he'd been seeing Minseok for year and his dad had been ok about it all but he was worried that his dad would be against the engagement or think that it was Luhan trying to leave the family because that wasn't what it was and it would be a risk to Minseok if that was the way his dad was thinking. 

Luhan would do anything to keep Minseok safe, and anything to make Minseok and his dad have an amicable relationship, even though his dad could be difficult, he just didn't want to have to choose between the man he loved and his family. He knew that even if he got out of China he would never really be safe, if his dad was looking for him, his dad would find him. So he had to make sure that it never came down to that and that his husband and dad got on well. 

He sent his dad a text, and smiled when the reply was telling him that they should do some of the wedding planning together. At least his dad seemed pretty upbeat about him and Minseok's wedding, probably because Luhan had still never missed a mission and had told his father that once him and Minseok were married they were going to be staying in China - so there would be no risk of Luhan trying to leave the country or move to a different province in the name of love. Luhan wanted to stay in Shanghai with his soon to be husband. They were planning on getting married quickly, purely because neither of them wanted a big wedding but they both wanted to show the other how much they loved them by giving them the strength and commitment of marriage. 

Luhan had never really thought that he was going to get married but he was glad that he was going to be married to Minseok. Minseok was the missing piece that completed him. He knew that without Minseok he would be nothing and he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the Korean man. He knew that even if they were both doctors who worked completely different shifts that they would be able to make it work. They were even talking about having kids in the future and this excited Luhan. There were so many possibilities for his future whereas before now he had thought that he was just going to live his whole life alone, unable to find someone who would see the real him even when they knew what he'd done. He was glad that Minseok was able to see past the mafia son thing and see his real heart. 

Luhan didn't want to gush to his father about Minseok so he tried to think of what exactly to tell his father about the other. Minseok was handsome and intelligent, both of which were traits that Luhan hoped his father would appreciate in a future husband for his son. Luhan didn't know what his dad was expecting to hear about Minseok but he was excited to have his father on board for the wedding plans. He didn't know what he would have done if his dad had got mad about the whole engagement. 

Luhan was doing shifts in the emergency room, he hated working on the emergency ward it meant being called in at stupid times where there was a car accident or an outbreak. It meant having to put up with people who were faking being in pain to get some pain medication and it meant dealing with mothers who were convinced their precious children were dying when the reality was it was just a cold or a scrape. Luhan realised that having a good bedside manner was an integral part of working in the emergency room but that didn't mean he had to enjoy dealing with some of the most stupid patients in the whole hospital. 

Luhan had decided that he was going to specialise in cardiology. He had spent sometime on the cardiology ward and even though the average age of the patients was older there were also younger patients and some very interesting cases. Luhan also thought that being able to fix hearts was one of the most important jobs that a doctor could have as without a heart there is no life. He knew it was going to be hard to make his specialism cardiology but he was in the process of getting it approved. 

Minseok had decided to specialise in pediatrics, he was good with children. Luhan had always been jealous of how Minseok was amazing with children and had all the parents easily relaxed, even when there were serious problems with the child. He didn't know how Minseok managed it but he was so proud to see that his partner had found his calling in the field of medicine. Minseok had already been approved to do his specialism, which Luhan was both really proud of but also tremendously jealous of. 

He wanted to get his specialism approved so he could tell people he was going to be a cardiologist. He wanted to be able to show people that he was going to do good things with his life. Not that anyone knew who he was and where he came from other than Tao and Minseok. And they were both proud of him for doing his best at everything he did. He didn't need their approval of the medical field he wanted to go into but he did hope his father would be incredibly proud of him. 

He knew that if his dad was happy with his academic choices it did make his father more accepting towards the choices Luhan was making in his personal life. He did however, have to remain realistic and know that deep down his dad wasn't going to be over the moon that Luhan was choosing to settle down with someone who wasn't in the 'family' and also wasn't Chinese. Well that and the fact that Luhan wasn't planning on getting Minseok involved with 'family' business. He wanted to keep Minseok as far out of it as he possibly could although that was probably an impossible task when it came to his father. 

Luhan had the apartment to himself that night, as he lay on the bed he shared with Minseok on a nightly basis with his laptop looking at things for the wedding. He wasn't as obsessed as Minseok was - who'd already picked out the colour scheme - but he was interested in trying to start getting things sorted for their wedding. He wanted to do it as quickly and as painlessly as he could so he scrolled through pages of wedding bands. He knew he would probably have to go into a jeweler to see what rings they had, but he didn't want to be there for hours. He wanted to be quick, so he had to know what he was looking for. 

He wanted to show Minseok that he could help him get the wedding together, so wanted to make sure that the rings were perfect. He bookmarked a couple of pages, he'd decided that they were going to have gold rings because he thought they were nicer than the silver ones - although Minseok's engagement ring was silver. Luhan was pretty sure that Minseok would agree with him about getting gold rings, so he wasn't too concerned with making sure there were a few silver options. 

Luhan looked over at his phone when he heard it go off, an assignment. He sighed and got himself out of bed, closing the laptop down and checking the meeting time. He had time to change and eat before he had to meet Yifan, who was coming to pick him up from a random gas station he'd been told to go to. Luhan cursed under his breath as he pulled his clothes on before fixing himself some rice and kimchi (that Minseok's mom had sent over to them). He ate quickly knowing he couldn't be late, especially not with Yifan who wouldn't wait for him, because he believed in being punctual. 

Luhan went back into their room after putting his bowl in the sink, he'd get home before Minseok so he'd wash it up when he returned. He went into his bathroom and brushed his teeth, eyes always watching the time. He went into the room he shared with Minseok and grabbed his dagger, strapping it to his thigh, before grabbing a small blade and putting it in his shoe. He smiled at himself, he was ready in a record time, he was going to be at the gas station early. He couldn't wait to see Yifan's face when he made it before the taller. 

Luhan was just about to get his car keys when his hospital buzzer went off. He stood in no man's land for what felt like forever trying to decide if he should answer it. He did answer it and there was an emergency, a seven car pile up, he needed to get to the hospital to help out but he was torn, if he went to the hospital he knew he would miss the hit and then his dad and Yifan would be angry with him. But at the same time if he didn't go to the hospital he was risking his medical license. He had no choice but to run back in and get changed and go to the hospital. 

He made sure to send Yifan a message telling him that there was an emergency at the hospital and he wasn't able to go to complete the hit. He didn't get a response straight away which was normal from Yifan so he went to start his shift. He didn't want to work overtime and he always struggled when it was a mass trauma but he had to do his job, he couldn't shy away from it. 

When Luhan came home off his shift he smiled to find Minseok was still awake and sat in their bed looking at wedding venues. Luhan got showered and dressed in his boxers before getting in the bed next to Minseok and giving him a quick peck. "Emergency?" Minseok asked when Luhan wrapped his arms around the other man. 

"Yeah, seven car pile up." Luhan said, kissing Minseok's shoulder gently, "I couldn't send you a message because it was just so busy." 

"I know, I was working x-ray tonight, and did most of the x-rays for your team" 

"Yeah, well my dad texted me and told me I had a task to do." Luhan said before pausing, "which i didn't get to do because I ended up being called into the hospital." Luhan sighed a little, "So I'm a little afraid of how mad he is going to be if the person I was supposed to go with doesn't cover me." 

"I'm sure he'll cover you, you'd cover for him right?" 

"Yeah, but it's not that easy. This guy he really does things by the book so I'm pretty sure he's going to tell my dad and then my dad is going to kill me." Luhan said kissing Minseok's shoulder over and over, more to calm himself down than to be romantic. 

"You'll be fine your dad loves you. He won't do anything to hurt you, it's the first time you've missed a task and it was for a pretty good reason, so just explain it to him and he will understand you." Luhan knew that Minseok was trying to reassure him but he was still anxious about it, he knew that his dad didn't make allowances for anyone, not even his own son. Luhan didn't want to argue with Minseok though, he just let the other think he was right. That there would be no consequences for his actions. 

Luhan just held Minseok close and tried not to worry himself too much, his dad wouldn't be too drastic, this was the first - and only time - he'd ever done this and ever would do this. He needed his dad to forgive him. He sighed when he woke up the next day to no angry text message and to not finding his dad having broken into the apartment to kill him in the night. Luhan spent the morning holding Minseok who was having a well deserved lie in. 

Luhan knew he was lucky to have Minseok, to be able to say he'd found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was lucky to have someone who would support him no matter what he did and he loved Minseok with all of his being. He loved the boy more than he could ever express and all he wanted was to keep Minseok safe from his father. 

Luhan began to relax, his dad wasn't going to hurt him. Yifan would have reported back to his father that it was a medical emergency and it was all going to be ok. His dad understood him and the way that his job worked. Luhan was going to be ok and Minseok was going to be ok and that was all that mattered. He didn't mind what happened as long as he got to be with Minseok. 

Luhan came home after a night shift a few days later and saw his father stood in his kitchen with Minseok just sat on one of their bar stools with a drink in front of him. Luhan just looked between the two. "Dad? I wasn't expecting you to be over today? I thought we were meeting later this week to talk about the wedding." He said and then looked at Minseok who wouldn't even meet his eyes. He wondered why his father would come when he wasn't in the house and if he had been nice when he had first met Minseok, the fact that Minseok wouldn't look at him was really bothering him because it was so out of character for the other boy. "What is going on?" 

"I was just meeting your fiance" Luhan watched as his dad turned to look at him, "and you missed a hit a few nights ago." Luhan looked away from his dad, he had an excuse but he knew that his dad was going to assume it was because of Minseok. Luhan knew his dad didn't understand the fact that he wasn't in a position to ignore the hospital, when he was told to go in he had to go in. He was trying to get into one of the hardest programs.

"I can- I can explain, I meant to go, I had my dagger strapped on my leg when I got a buzz from the hospital." Luhan couldn't afford to miss an emergency call from the hospital, he was supposed to graduate and to do that he needed a nearly spotless record. 

"You know the rules Luhan" His dad said before looking at his son, "and you know that is the things you love that will hurt you most." Luhan's eyes flickered to Minseok, "You know how punishment works in the family." 

"Don't hurt him" 

"I won't touch a hair on his pretty little head. Now, because of your failure to show up because you wanted a fuck, Yifan had to go alone and he didn't make it back." 

"Dad, It wasn't for him. I'll go and-" 

"He died Luhan, and you are the reason he died." 

"I'm sorry." Luhan knew that wasn't good enough, but that was all he could say. He was sorry, sorry that he'd let his father down, sorry that he'd ended up putting Minseok in this position and risked everyone's safety. He was sorry that Yifan had died because of his actions, that the man who'd taught him and looked after him wasn't able to see his daughter grow up, he was truly sorry that had become a reality. 

"You know how this works Luhan" His dad turned and looked at Minseok, "drink up." Minseok moved to take the cup. Luhan knew he had a choice and he had to make it in seconds, he had to chose if he was willing to risk Minseok's life on this. He knew someone was going to be punished for what he'd done and he couldn't live with himself if anything happened to Minseok because of him. He'd promised himself that he was going to keep Minseok out of everything to do with the mafia. 

"No." Luhan said, moving to take the cup. "I'll drink it, it was my mistake." He said before looking at Minseok and giving him a quick kiss. Luhan turned back to face his dad and lifted the cup to his lips, his dad wasn't going to let him die. He was his only son, the only heir. Sure he was adopted but his father still loved him as much as he'd have loved a real son. He wasn't going to die, he held the brim of the cup to his lips, watching his dad, waiting for a sign to stop. The sign didn't come and Luhan drank all of the liquid. 

It was almost instant, he found it hard to breath and soon was unconscious. Minseok had rushed to hold him, Minseok cradled Luhan's head to his chest as he started to fade away into nothingness. Luhan, his Luhan, the talented doctor was soon to be nothing. Minseok tried not to cry, there was time for crying once Luhan's 'family' had left. He didn't want to cry in front of them. He just looked at Luhan, he kept checking for a pulse, it was slow. Minseok moved to start doing CPR once he felt no pulse. "there's no point trying that, the poision I used stops him getting oxygen. He can't be brought back." Minseok knew that they would know the type of poison that had been used, and how it was clearly futile to keep trying to save him. But Minseok wasn't quite ready to let the other go yet. He couldn't just give up on him. He had to keep trying until there wasn't a way to try anymore. After a few more cycles of chest compressions and breaths Minseok had no choice but to stop.

"I'm a doctor." Minseok said, although he stopped. "I'm supposed to be able to save him." He said to himself. 

"My son is dead because of you." Luhan's father said flatly. 

"I'd have drank that for him, if I'd known what was in it." Minseok said looking at his fiance's lifeless body. "You killed him. You could have stopped him." Minseok didn't take his eyes off Luhan, as if something terrible would happen if he did, as if if he looked long enough the boy would wake up and say something. That Luhan would laugh again or smile, or say I love you. That somehow they'd make it to their wedding, that they could have a future together. But that wasn't going to happen. Luhan wasn't going to wake up. Luhan was gone, and now it was just Minseok on the floor, just wanting everyone to leave him, so he could cry, so he could call Tao and Sehun and his mom and cry to her on the phone for hours about how the love of his life had just died in their kitchen. 

"Someone had to pay for what happened." Luhan's dad said robotic. "But you killed my son." Minseok looked up and saw the man was crying, "And I can never forgive that." He said taking out his gun and firing one perfectly aimed shot at Minseok, the darkness was instant, there was no grasping to life. It was almost peaceful as he embraced death, he embraced eternity with the boy he loved.


End file.
